(Part Two) Pleasure: How to Have More

Last week, I talked about the difference between natural and “artificial” pleasure and how to determine the net effect of your pleasure choices. I also posed the ultimate question: From where do you want to derive your pleasure?

(Be sure to read part one first before reading this part!)

I also mentioned that the more we rely on “artificial” (concentrated) pleasures to feel good, the less desire we have for the natural pleasures in life. This is because the natural pleasures often require a bit of effort on our part before we get to experience them, whereas, with the “artificial” ones, the dopamine hit is usually more immediate. There’s a sense of instant gratification with hardly any exertion involved.

I believe the more natural pleasure we have in our lives, the less we rely on the “artificial” ones to provide an escape, or to avoid uncomfortable emotions.

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This week, I’m talking about the importance of simple pleasures in life, and how infusing more into your day can bring you closer to your health and weight goals.

I believe that when we slow down to enjoy all of the seemingly small pleasures in life (and yes, this includes some of those more concentrated sources of pleasure), we’re happy with less.

A little goes a lot further because we’re slowing down to really enjoy and appreciate them.

Another issue, I think, is that so many people are deprived of the natural pleasures or even the simple little pleasures of life that they end up seeking out those intense hits of dopamine as a sort of relief.

For example, if you just plow through your workday without any enjoyment or “stopping to smell the roses,” you feel like you deserve a reward or a treat just for getting through it.

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We can sometimes overlook all of those simple little things that seem insignificant, but the truth is, they add up over the day.

Here’s a great analogy I once heard.

Imagine a water leak in your ceiling, so you place an empty bucket underneath to catch those little drips of water.

When you initially look into the bucket, you see the little drips of water going in (drip…drip…drip), but the total quantity of water in the bucket is minuscule.

You decide to leave the house and run your errands for the day.

You return hours later, and when you check the bucket, it’s filled to the top. You have to empty it so that it doesn’t overflow!

It’s like those “little drips” of pleasure – by the end of the day, they fill you up more than you know.

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I think it’s particularly critical when you’re focused on losing weight or trying to get healthier. Maybe you’re trying to make better eating choices, so you’re moving away from some of those foods you would have usually enjoyed.

It’s like there’s a sense of, what’s left?

If I can’t crack open the wine or have a treat, what else is there?

I believe the more little “drips of pleasure” you can infuse into your day, the less you’ll be dependent on sugar, for example, to get your pleasure-fix.

As I mentioned earlier, often, it’s in how we enjoy some of those more concentrated pleasures that make the ultimate difference in our total pleasure quotient.

For example, it’s the difference between sitting down and taking a few minutes to enjoy the “cookie” mindfully, rather than devouring it while focused on something else, not even really tasting it, so you end up going back to the pantry for another.

It’s like eat the cookie or the treat if that’s what you’ve decided to do, but sit down, put it on a proper plate, and really enjoy it.

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I think having little rituals built into our day – whether they’re daily, weekly, or reserved for the weekend is a powerful thing because they give us something we can look forward to enjoying (regardless of how simple) – and they also bring some structure to our days.

Here are some of the ways I incorporate simple pleasures (and ritual) into my own day:

Morning coffee ritual. I actually look forward to this the night before when I’m going to sleep. It’s that time of day early in the morning when everything is quiet. Even just the ritual of grinding the coffee beans and that waft of fresh ground coffee is pleasurable itself. I boil the water and prepare a French press. I’ll often put on some soothing music like a little Ella Fitzgerald or Billie Holiday.

This is when I’ll do some journaling, put thoughts to paper, plan for the day, maybe read a little something uplifting or inspirational – really just set the stage for the day ahead. Sometimes Bradford (my SO) and I will just sit and chat about life and plans. It’s such a nice way to begin our day.

I have to say, while I do enjoy coffee, it’s not just about what’s in my cup, because I’ve enjoyed this ritual at different times in my life while I was drinking tea, or even just warm water with lemon. It’s more about the intention behind it, which is taking some quiet time at the start of the day rather than hurriedly jumping into work.

Daily Walks. These have always been a part of my life for the most part, but since the pandemic started and we’re both now working from home, we’ve been getting out almost every morning to walk together. It’s really about getting outside and enjoying some fresh air before starting our respective workdays. Often we’ll go for another one at the end of the day unless we’ve planned to go running. The more we can incorporate green space and parks, the better. Going for a walk and being out in nature is the perfect way to bookend the day.

Pre-Dinner Apéritif. This doesn’t happen every night, but I love the ritual of enjoying a drink together before dinner. It’s not even so much about what we’re drinking (sometimes it’s nothing!), but more about taking a little time before dinner to relax, connect, and catch up on our days. Sometimes this is more of a weekend thing, but again, because we’re both home right now, we’ve been able to enjoy this time during the week a bit more.

Something new that we’ve recently introduced during this timeframe is listening to a podcast. It’s funny because podcasts are something that I’ve always enjoyed on my own (and still do), but I mainly listen to self-development or health podcasts and never fully ventured into all of the other podcasts on offer. What we’ve recently been enjoying is more for pure entertainment. If you’re into unsolved mysteries – you might like it. The one we’ve been enjoying is called Supernatural with Ashley Flowers. It’s fun – you’re sort of just listening to a story, but based on real-life events. Anyways, now I kind of look forward to the new episode airing each week – sometimes we’ll listen to it while dinner is cooking, or we’ll listen after dinner as we relax and unwind.

Creating a beautiful dining experience. I do love cooking and preparing beautiful meals, but I’m not cooking elaborate dinners every night. And while we both really enjoy good food, I think what we appreciate the most is creating a really nice dining experience, even if we’re just re-heating leftovers. It’s the one time of the day that we always eat together (although since the pandemic we’ve been eating together a lot more). We’ll set the table, light candles, and almost always have some music on in the background. Again, we enjoy the food, but the experience goes way beyond what we’re eating. (I also believe this is one of the keys to stopping overeating because you’re taking the time to slow down and enjoy your food, and more likely to be satisfied with less).

* One thing that I want to note quickly is that I believe this is important whether you’re dining with company or on your own. I bring this up because I think some people believe that it’s only worth the added effort if you’re dining with others. It’s kind of like, “What’s the point if it’s only me?” But I think it makes a huge difference. You also signal to yourself that your own company is important, too. (It’s also worth mentioning, this is something I started incorporating back in the years I was living on my own, and it made a world of difference in how I enjoyed food, and my relationship to food in general).

Using our best. This one kind of goes hand in hand with the last point. I’m a firm believer in using your best rather than saving it for a special occasion “someday.” We have a beautiful set of crystal that was passed down to us from Bradford’s mom, and there is no occasion too small to pull it out and enjoy drinking from it. We also have a beautiful tea set that I enjoy serving tea in, even if it’s just for me :)

Cozy, quiet moments. I love infusing these moments throughout the day or week whenever I can. For example, in the evening, enjoying a quiet cup of tea while finishing up a little work or planning for the next day – usually on the couch with a blanket draped over my lap. I also love curling up with a good book or listening to a podcast.

I also enjoy unwinding with a movie or a little Netflix in the evening too, but only after everything else gets done (i.e. dinner clean-up, preparations for the next day, any last-minute work things). We’ll snuggle up on the couch and either watch an episode of a show we’re watching or if it’s the weekend, sometimes a movie.

Music. I love having music playing throughout the day – different genres depending on the mood, activity, or time of day. There’s almost always a Spotify list playing.

Decluttering. I love the feeling of contentment this brings and space it opens up both physically AND mentally. It’s been said that a cluttered environment leads to a cluttered mind, and I wholly agree with this sentiment. I always notice that I’m much more creative and inspired when I’m working in a clutter-free zone. And although there’s almost always some resistance to start cleaning, once I gain a little momentum, I’m committed to seeing it through.

Fresh cut flowers. Just because they’re beautiful to look at and brighten up any room!

Fresh sheets (and pajamas, too!). I love the feeling of crawling into a bed with freshly laundered sheets, plus the feeling of slipping into comfy and cool sleepwear.

Open windows. I love opening the windows to let in the fresh air. I also really like the smell and sound of rainfall in the spring. I’ll crack the window while I’m on the couch reading and enjoy the sounds of nature outside (bird chirps and all).

I also want to add that I really like separating work from play. This can be a challenge when you’re working from home, but I’ve gotten better at laying down firmer boundaries between the two.

If I’m focused on work, then I try to be all in on that, and if I’m enjoying free time, then I don’t want to be consumed with work stuff.

I hate that feeling of knowing that you should be working on something, but you’re not. It’s like you don’t really even enjoy that free time as much because it’s infiltrated with thoughts of work – so you might as well have just sat down and got it done in the first place.

There are definitely times when the two coincide, such as if I’m doing some planning, writing, or researching in my downtime, but if I’m enjoying time with my loved ones, the last thing I want to be doing is checking and replying to emails.

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Lastly, I’d like to add that partaking in concentrated pleasures (i.e. wine, sweet treats) too often creates an overdesire for them (as I discussed in part one).

It’s what our brains do!

So it’s something that I’m careful with when I do partake because the more I have them, the more my brain over-emphasizes their importance.

For example, if I get it in the habit of having a little dark chocolate every night for dessert, I notice that if I don’t have it, my brain will start to think, “Where’s the chocolate?” There will be a few days where I really want that little sweet fix, but then, as time passes and I’m not rewarding the urge, I begin to forget about it altogether.

That desire that was once so strong lessens its hold.

Of course, dark chocolate isn’t the worst thing, but you can see how you can get yourself into trouble with more concentrated forms of pleasure.

I can recall a nightly ice cream phase that we got ourselves into last summer. Although we did eventually find our way out of it!

How about you? I would love to hear from you. What are some ways that you infuse simple pleasures into your life? Are there any new rituals that you would like to introduce? Share with me in the comments below!